Youth Kinda Sucks (The Dying Logs Day 55)

First you’re locked in this incredible place that has no problems whatsoever and definitely isn’t dangerous filled to the brim with stupidity and propaganda and is designed to make you into a follower, a worker bee.

Then you play sports, you’re only outlet for insane sexual urges (if you’re smart). Way better than school but developing the discipline to play at a high level is painful and time consuming.

You learn how puerile the game of life is and carry on always at least mildly depressed.

You have great times too and that shows what socializing with people you can relate to can do…. turn something inherently monotonous, grey, and demeaning into truly amazing memories.

Then you’re out of grade school and for about 2-3 years you feel like a bolt of light with all the freedom and the glow of new vices like sex and alcohol.

But during these years you pace and you pace as you see the path laid out before you and that path is one of conformity at best immorality towards bigger boy vices like money and the hegemonic weight of nihilism bred into your every core especially if you go to college and even if you don’t.

Most people I speak to that are thinkers were highly depressed in there youth and I’m no exception despite having great friends, free college with very pretty girls, and being always towards the top of my class while hardly studying.

I was already burning up – though slightly comforted by a successful freelance writing career and multiple side sources of passive income – and then the severe Crohns hit so hard I couldn’t stand.

Then life became performance art and that’s another story.

The good memories are ingrained but I forced myself to also ingrain the downs. Didn’t want to be like the Middle aged people obsessing about then”good old days.”

My life will only get better and better but it takes discipline and foresight. And the same can be said for yours my friend.