So Much Going On

I have much to write about this entire experience and my future. Things have been so intense, I haven’t been writing much though.

Intense for me even. These medications combined with the endless pain…. it hasn’t been good.

But I think I’m getting through. Finally I had some improvement yesterday after over a week of stagnation. I don’t know if it will continue and how fast though.

The pain kept me up an entire night. I woke up today feeling better but still exhausted. I’m hoping I’ll get a good sleep tonight and get some writing done tomorrow.

I am really going to have to crawl out of this one. I am in for some intense suffering over the next month or so and that’s a best case scenario. Worst case, this setback has put me in an inescapable hole. But I don’t think so and it’s not even worse thinking about. Just have to try my hardest and pray it works out.

God Please Save Me

This is a nightmare of a nightmare. I can’t believe this. I am trapped and can’t get out. I take prednisone and instantly develop 3 severe mental disorders. Almost fully lost contact with reality today and the worst stomach pain I’ve felt since pancreatits.

Why? Avery deserves better than this. I missed Christmas and New Years and didn’t even notice I’m in so much fucking pain. It hasn’t stopped for more than a couple of hours for 5 days now. God why. How did this happen?

So Much Pain

This pain is almost unbearable. I’m on edge. If it gets worse, I’ll basically be forced to go to the hospital.

Please pray for me.

This is so hard to take. I just want to yell or even cry. This seems so pointless.

I used to always feel somewhat like this. Here is motivation to beat this horrible disease.

My Protocol Is Perfected

I’m sick right now and coming off ear infections and antibiotics but I’m so damn happy.

I have my protocol all ready to go. I simply must delineate on the concepts.

It has taken me 7 years of trial and error + literally obsessive research to figure out exactly what works.

What I have is the Spartan version. The scientist will come later. But the Spartan is most important for those seriously sick like myself.

For now, I will give it for whatever price you’re willing to pay. If that’s a $1, that’s okay. I’ll bet you’ll send me more once your health improves 🙂

 

Fixing Up This Website

As sometimes occur, I have these posts mostly done on the notes app of my phone but don’t get around to putting them on the website. Right now, I’m in the process of organizing and finalizing the daily logs. Part of the reason is I didn’t have a laptop for a while.

I will be all caught up soon and will start posing on the actual day of the log.

Elemental Diet

I am starting a partial/half elemental diet and will transition to the full thing after my surgical procedure.

Living Like I’m Going to Get Better

Though I’m optimistic, I’m still nervous about my upcoming surgeries.

As discussed in previous blog posts, the right attitude is to believe you’ll succeed while also preparing for the best.

So, I’m going to start grinding like everything will work out by working on freelance, this website, and general personal development while preparing for if the liquid antibiotics don’t fully work (phage therapy).

The timing is perfect. I got married, went on my honeymoon, and am moved into my new apartment as of today.

On a sidenote, I’m frustrated at my cognition. I feel very slow. My ability to think coherently and write is significantly impaired… maybe worse than it has been in a long time. But doing something is always better than nothing.

And I’m hoping this a small fraction of what I’ll be capable of soon. Getting off the antibiotic will be a big difference and hopefully things will continue to improve steadily from there.

About to Fall Over

6 Am comes, then it’s 8 AM. I can’t sleep from the severe urinary pain and discomfort. Whenever I stand, I feel as if I will fall over. I’ve hardly slept in 4 days. I even take the sleep pill and I still can’t. This is the worst flair-up I’ve had in a minute.

I feel so odd. Weird thoughts. I cannot even consider sleep but my body desperately needs it. I can only hope this ends. My inflammation is up, I think from the stress. I hope it’s not a UTI.

2nd Worse Infection

Things have gotten so much worse as I get into the night. I’ve had probably 30 severe infections at this point but I think this is the 2nd worse of all time.

I am so weak, breathing seems to be hard. I am delirious and sweating, shivering with cold. My vision is out of focus and I am often confused or feel odd and intense emotion. I am light-headed upon standing. Intense pain. And, I am used to feeling like I have to pee… but currently it is so bad I feel as if with each passing minute I will lose it completely.

This is truly nightmarish. I push through minute by minute with the hope that it will be worth it one day.

 

Help Me God

Just a little bit after I finished the recent post, I literally started shaking from infection.

I knew this would happen… but letting this get worse and worse with no idea what will happen… it’s very hard.

I try to retain faith that I will make it out.

I wrote a post on accepting god over a week ago. I’ll publish it hopefully along with the other mostly finished recent posts I never published due to feeling so damn bad, general chaos, and depression.